you know,
sometimes when you let people dictate your life for long enough,
and you are spineless enough not to see it,
when you finally unblind yourself,
you will finally realise that you can't let it go on anymore.
if you're lucky, you'll be able to spot it when its budding.
if you're not, you'll realise that it is all too late.
i know i'm self-centred,
i know i'm spineless,
i start off thinking i am right,
den get swayed by others around me.
what is right and what is wrong?
what is real and what is perceived?
the 2 polar extremes are often seperated by just a thin thread
and sometimes you trangress the wrong realm without knowing.
for those who think they know me,
they are deluded.
for those who i've told that i'm showing my true self to,
i'm sorry i lied.
nobody can claim they know me,
(well other den GOD)
'cause i don't even know myself.

the tragedy of this all
is not in the fact that i do not know myself,
but is rather in the fact that this means i've regressed beyond the stages of being infantile.
babies know who they are to the best they can,
they express themselves.
what am i?
i want to be myself,
but i don't even know who i am.

i want to explode,
but my reasons seem trivial.
i can't bring across my emotional baggage adequately.
i want to fall apart
but who would be there to piece me back together?
this is a crucial year,
the national exam that dictates our future.
i cannot throw it away.
but yet the more i try to ignore myself,
and take each day one at a time,
the more i find myself being reduced into a puddle of mess.
i know that i am annoying,
and it is this very nature of mine that drives people away,
and at this time that i need an emotional stronghold,
i find myself with nobody to turn to.

at times like these i regret turning away those who cared,
i should have made myself fall for them,
and hold on to a relationship that gives me strength.
i've given up many things for the three times i've fallen hard,
and each time left me hurt,but not stronger,
more needy for someone else to fill this void.

lastly,
i never thought i would say this,
but at this point of time,
when everything feels like its falling,
and i have nobody to turn to,
i wish i don't love you,
'cause the pain of pretension,
only makes it harder to bear.
i'm trying not to love you,
but,unfortunately, i still do.

Wow!it's been ages since a last blog man!
Haha.so many things have happened since that I know not where to start (:
I don't think I blogged about Easter retreat yet right?
It was awesome fun man!
But thinking about this year being my last Easter retreat is really sad la ):
And during Easter I made a new commitment with God! (:
I will majorly cut down on my vulgarities and I know that it is what God would want cause the next monday's reflection was on the story of the small angry boy and the nails and the holes in the wooden door (:
I must try harder! Today is day1 of the counter (: hope I don't end up back at zero on the 4th day again (: anyone who hears any bad words being uttered from my mouth is more den welcomed to turn my cheeks into tomatoes!(:

Who I was despise who I am.
How did this happen?):
And you and you were right, I've changed ):
Someone tell me how to get back onto the road I was on, cause there ain't much time left

ALRIGHT!(:
off to get my ramly burger!
And to trim my hair (:
LOVEYOU ALL! <3

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIFU!!(:

19yearsold le!

18years of knowing you

nearly 2 decades of friendship

LOVEYOU!<3

i must say,
today is a really mind-blowing day.
too many things thrown my way in a day.
but it is a good kinda mind-blowing(:
for most parts anyway.

firstly,
sermon today really reached right past my fears and into my heart(:
after asking the question for months,
i finally got my answer.
thank you GOD(:

and secondly was the movie screening today(:

thirdly,
something that i shan't mention here(:
but ya, sorry, thankyou and iloveyou(:

daddy just flew to australia!):
he's been flying way too much lately
hurry back daddy!
meanwhile, we'll be praying for you(:

oh man, this is bad,
i am hooked onto facebook games.
haha!
somebody shoot me please.

alright.
i shall sign off now(:
ILOVEYOUVERYMARCH!!<3

CTS ARE FINALLY OVVVVEEEEEERRRRRR!!(:
oh yes(: i smell liberty is the air(:
i have finally retrieved my hardly existant life from the bin
not sure if i should go sentosa cove this sunday
since there is lit lecture on monday morning
haha, i shall decide later on(:
i can't wait for next week!
its a holiday of FUN mugging!
study date with fbud, study sleepover with twinnie.
mugging might potentially be fun!

alright lets have a reflective remorse analysis of CTs
just so that i won't feel so bad(:

GP first.
oh my, i confess! i was half asleep when i did it.
but at least i completed it la hor(:

H1 MATH next.
it was on the same day and same location.
so friggin slack la!(:
mag and i brought skittles and m&ns in respectively
hopefully can pass.
but it was raining! perfect weather to sleep in can.
oh yes!vern and i were stuck at the same qns.
haha
mag thought vern was drawing boobs can!
haha but it was sets la.
tsk!what was mag thinking right.
and she kicked my table for m&ns!
scared the shit outta me can.

H2 HISTORY was on tuesday.
haha.one word. FUBARed!
but at least this time round,
unlike last yr's promos, i didn't go toilet!
and i actually had content to write(:
but the UN SBQ killer man.
i stopped at face value evaluation for source A
think miss teo wanna kill me when she collected my paper
i promised daddy i'll focus on lit and econs this hols,
but i'll probably leave some time for history(:
i badly need to buck up.

H2 LITERATURE was on wed
hmmm...poetry was alright.
mag and i had the same points(:
but oh my, for othello, one word.
ZOUNDS!):
and reminder to self,
tabulate points of comparison between BNW and HMT
before ever attempting the comparison again.
i wasted 25mins to 35mins writing wrongly for my othellos somemore
another paper FUBARed le

H2 ECONS was today!
haha.i slept.it was that bad.
but nvm.many people did too(:
and silly vern behind me giggling away
haha.so distracting can
cause ken chew made some mightily weird noise
it sounded slightly animalistic(no offence!)

oh well,
takeaway from this CTs?
MUG HARDER!(:

tml no sleepover at hannahs):
but nvm,
GIGS soon!!(:
hope it all turns out fine.

oh ya!
on a completely random note,
1) someone please convince mag that i am indeed horrible
2) the cardiologist and my mum thinks that i'm stressed -.-
haha joke la. how can i be stressed(:
if i am stressed, poor rain is what sia?(:

alright!
time to sign off
before daddy nags.
<3 YINGS(:

DAY ONE OF CTs OVER!(:
2 down and 3 more to go.
tomorrow is history.
i need all the prayer i can get!(:
i was hoping for a simple encouragement from you,
a simple line to keep me going. will i get it?(:

i shall take this chance to thank god for his wonderful grace on me(:
and also dedicate a short part to my beloved late grandpa
the chinese a level paper 1 had a few questions to choose from,
one of which being who i miss the most.
the first person that came to mind was my grandpa.
till date, it is still one of my greatest regret that i wasn't arnd when he passed on.
i'm sure everyone is well acquainted with the phrase
"you'd never cherish what you have till you've lost it"
and i only truly got it that year
even losing P and C was not as painful.
it was through writing the essay that all those small details came flooding back.
these daily occurences that we think nothing of
warms my heart and makes me miss him more.
i never got to say this while he was arnd,
but i'm sure he can see this from heaven right now,
GRANDPA, I LOVE YOU.

THIS WEEK IS GIGS!(:
AND SLEEPOVER AND HANNAH'S!
I CAN'T WAIT!((:
I MISS HANGING WITH YOU LOADS MAN.
THIS IS GONNA BE A GOOD WEEK(:

alright.time to shower.
time is of the essence during CT week(:

i finally got my sleeping pills!(:
hopefully i'll be able to sleep better.
den i can study better and,
i won't screw up CTs that bad!(:

i've been having strange nightmares
and waking up for no good reason alot recently.
just last night i dreamt of a war.
in my dream i was just buying tamagotchi in 7-11
(don't ask me why so random)
and i was with my family on a holiday in some obscure place.
den suddenly, all hell broke loose.
the 7-11 i was in got shot at and all.
all this craziness only lasted less den an hour
but the devastation was insane!
maybe my mind was visualising some war i've read about for history.
but at this rate,
i'll never be able to focus in class.
hope the sleeping pills work!(:

alright!
back to mugging my A-I conflict!(:
TATA!<3

FIRSTLY,
HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY RAIN!(:
how does it feel like to be old?(:
hope you liked the present mag and i gave you!
must hang it up kay!(:
&keep rotating the sequence of the pics.

alright,
let's back track to yesterday.
joke of the century!
mag and i ran to the bus stop,
thinking that rain has forgotten about lit and gone home,
and fearing that she'll miss her beloved's lesson.
upon reaching the bus stop,
we realised that, RAIN WAS NOWHERE IN SIGHT!
so we walked back to the canteen worrying.
after walking mag for her clb lesson,
(which she was happily 15mins late for)
i went back to class and lo and behold!
5mins later, who walks in but rain herself!(:
den we found out that she went to see tcher only -.-
joke or not we.
haha.rain was so amused.
eh!mag actually ran for you lohs!(:

amusing incident 2,
i stuck up the no whining sign on monday after sch.
so ysd daryl saw it under his chair
(lousy sign, suction pad doesn't work properly)
and though we told him the sign was for him,
which is clearly not a compliment,
or positive in anyway or from any light,
he wanted to bring the sign home!
he thought the sign was cute and all.
haha, i know his humour improved,
but darn, not compliment lehs daryl!
you happily accept some more -.-

I LOVE LIGHTNING WARNING MAN!(:
its the best thing on earth(:
no p.e ysd, and no prize giving today.

OH YES!
CJCians, please pray for mr kang kay?
those who went today shld know what happened.
i hope he's fine):
mr kang,
please please get better soon and take care kay?
we'll be praying for you!

today during cross ctry super slack!
mag aggy and i just walked the whole way.
and the monkey so friggin scary can!
and yes, it is hideous!
i thought monkeys were suppose to be cute,
but clearly there are exceptions to this.
anyway, i think my class is dead.
only 10 ppl showed up at cross ctry.
my class is screwed indeed ):

today reading the newspaper,
we came across a line tt is honestly bull shit.
s'pore presses us all so friggin hard
so much so that even j1s are cracking now.
example:
me: hey mag!
mag: yeah?
me: HELLO! *beams insanely*
this is what we do in the middle of lessons -.-
i think we have indeed lost it man.
i pity mag man,
sit beside me most of the time,
gotta put up with my nonsense.
so in return,
in classes, mag can enshroud me and rest on me(:

A LEVELS RESULT OUT THIS FRIDAY!
SCARY MUCH?
ALL THE BEST TO ALL J3S!(:
ESPECIALLY SHARILYN;SHIFU!(:
I HOPE I PASS MY CHINESE A LVLS MAN!
CLB = WASTE TIME

alright(:
no more procastination.
back to studying econs!
*mumblegrumblegroansmumble*
<3 YOU EARTHLINGS(:

omg,
i think sometimes yings is indeed a joke -.-
i performed the most classic act in captains ball history.
I TRIPPED OVER MY OWN LACES,
HENCE TEARING MY PANTS AND SCRAPING MY KNEE.
oh yes ying, brilliant no?
way to go, genius of the year (:

my poor body is victimised by my unfailing knack of getting into scrapes
how do you cure accident-prone-ism?
haha,
i think mummy and daddy dunno whether to laugh or cry.
spraining my ankle while getting up the car.
who else is capable of that you tell me?
haha oh well.
its trivial incidents like these that spice our lives no?(:
alright.
Q.T time!(:

seeya earthlings!(:

ALRIGHT(:

LONG OVERDUED PICS OF LIT NIGHT AND ROCKEFELLA(:

the order of the pics got a lil messed up though,

sorry!(:

LIT NIGHT!(:

the ghost beckons...
rain really does look ghostly here no?

AH!

it's the dode in scary black lipstick!

2t05 girls just before lit night,

ut where is aggy?):

the best part of the night,

TEABREAK!(:

the 2t05 lit girls(:

ROCKEFELLA!

mag and rain's horrified response too...

starstruck me!(:

no prize to correct guesses on who was on stage! (:

MUMMY AND ME(:

yes, tayzhiyun i miss you!

RAIN AND I<3

COUPLE SHOT!(:

MY WONDERFUL MUMMY AND DADDY.
LESS DISTURBING SHOT AS COMPARED TOO...

THIS!

eh mummy and daddy, no PDA in front of kids!

when mag forgets lyrics to get high too,

this is what happens

wah! whats this man.

parents discriminating their kid lohs!TSK(:

FAMILY PHOTO!(:

NICE AND COSY, THE 3 OF US.

another week gone!):
that leaves us with abt 8days to C.T!
oh gosh.TIME TO CHIONG!

anyway,
highlight of the week,
ROCKEFELLA!
LAST NIGHT WAS AWESOME!
way better than last year's bands for starters,
the shirt is nicer,
the ambience was better,
just basically everything!
well done 34th student council(:
AND IZACK,
YOU DID FINE(:
and CLASS ACT WAS DA BOMB!(:

but we got disqualified from handball):
there goes all hopes of our champion title this year.
haha, 'cause gerald was suppose to be at detention,
but he sneaked out for handball
and got caught.
silly boy(:

I NEED A CCA!):
even nexus is full la):
looks like i have to join library -.-
i'll try my luck at bridge club first.

this week was a crazy week of tests man!
thank goodness all over.
now the only test for next week is math f.a.
den it is COMMON TEST WEEK!
oh well, it's do or die time.
so T05 let's kick ass(:

alright!
off to mug!
BYE SUNSHINES(:

I ADORE ADORE ADORE THIS SONG!(:
ALL I WANT IS YOU
juno soundtrack

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow
Just as long as you were with me, when the cold winds blow.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a wink, I'd be a nod
If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod.
If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.
If you were the love, I'd be the desire.
If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YIREN!(:
15 years old le,
cannot act like a kid at home le (:

sadly my brother's birthday
proved to be an all time low
when your defences are down,
and your source of strength quits
and all the arrows seem to head at you
and dodging them all is just too hard,
what do you do?

i did not pursue it,
'cause i know it is in your nature
to be so malicious and tactless in your words.
i had no energy and you're not worth it
i've always known that you're like that,
but i thought maybe you've changed.
i guess not.
well, guess what,
the words did hurt
but you dun mean much to me,
so i shan't waste my emotions on you.

i didn't get into editorial.
i got blog bitched.
i screwed up both the tests today.
i miss you but you have someone else
i feel unwell but dare not fall sick
i know this sounds narcissistic,
but i need out.

baby,
i really need you,
i always did.
but more so now den ever.
can you just give me a day back in your arms?):

so quickly, another week has passed!(:
reality check, 2 more weeks to...
COMMON TEST!!
*gasp*
haha, i think i'm FUBAR-ed man.
anyway!(:
highlights of the week

oh yes!
TODAY, 2T05 OWNED 2T14'S BUTT AT HANDBALL!
9 -- 0 MAN!
WE KNOW WE ROCK.
haha.
today was an okay day i guess,
other den blanking out during 2.4km
and freaking dode out when i swayed and nearly fainted.
haha sorry man.
oh yes(:
we had lit film night today too!
er...it was...disturbing.
haha.the show was amusingly disturbing to say the least.
but the refreshment was J.co donuts!(:
YUM!
oh yes, and something amusing happened today too.
amusing but yet annoying.
domestic affair of 2t05(:
oh!
and i scared dode with a rubber milipede today!(:

yesterday was a moody day!):
'cause we got segragated during history,
and no offence meant,
but i don't see why dode is below daryl and i'm only 1 place above him,
i mean come on,
isn't it blatantly obvious tt this yr,
both dode and i put in effort for history
and daryl chee clearly DID NOT?
i know this sounds bitchy,
but its a fact.):
G.P lessons were entertaining as usual(:

wednesday went for editorial trials
i really really hope i can get in la):
i hope submitting 3 interviews instead of the expected 2 helped.
someone all have rank one lehs(:
quarter MISTRESS, captain and captain lohs(:
i shall keep my fingers crossed.

on tuesday,
ma'am wanted to suspend me for handing in parents letter late -.-
in the end i just needed to clean up the smelly p.e store(:

OH YES!
TODAY I FINALLY SATISFIED MY CRAVING!
FAR EAST ES TELLE CHICKEN RICE IS THE SEX MAN!(:
it's friggin good(:
everyone should go try it.
haha.

alright,
before i sign off,
i shall be random.

baby, since i've met you,
my life has started anew.
my previous pains displaced,
our memories in it place.
i never could let go,
of everything so old.
but things are not the same,
cause baby, you're perfection's aim.

i want it to linger;
the bitter-sweet taste of life's palimsest.

ALRIGHT!
G'NIGHT EARTHLINGS!(:

guess my resolve to blog weekly not working.
anyway,
today didn't go school 'cause was not feeling well.
so now, i shall take a short break from studies
and blog(:

let's see what happened last week.
oh yes!I QUIT HOCKEY!(:
due to health reasons.
hopefully can get into editorial.
though i love the sport,
the ppl really do suck balls.
well, not all, but quite a few.
so i'm glad i'm out of it,
and don't have to take their shit anymore.
((:

I LOVE G.P LESSONS!
haha, its super fun la.
can suan miss kwa and usually its quite a laugh.
take for example our lesson discussing politics.
we were on the moral issue of the holocaust.
if you had a baby, and you were in hiding along with 8 people,
and he/she suddenly wailed, what would you do?
khairul's response was funny.
khai: "i would kill the baby"
miss kwa: "why?"
khai: "cause if the 8 ppl were my friends, if they die, i cannot make back the same friends. but baby can make again after the war what."
WTH la!haha.
funny la that khai,
can make the baby again -.-

did the history re-test on thurs.
it seems alot easier than the actual one the rest did(:
hope i did okay.
haha, we were like all aiming for 5 out of 25.
hope can at least get 5 la(:
some events occured over the week that frustrated me.
some left me feeling incredulous and others left me on the brink of tears.
but shhh(: nothing about those here.

FRIDAY THE 13TH passed without anythg bad(:
thank goodness.
and den it was 14TH of FEB, VDAY!(:
went for band prac before meeting people
glad you liked the brownies!(:
anyway, 15TH was another special day
and it was also ariel's first worship leading exp.
WELL DONE!(:
den went home for bonding with my bro
(don't ask why he randomly wanted to bond)
and dental, RED BRACES!(:
yup, i think that wraps up the week.

to you:
hey,
not sure if you still read my blog,
but sorry,
i really don't think it'll work out.
we've tried before and see how it ended.
sorry.

ALRIGHT!
back to work(:
what a nerd i am.
haha. but studies is GREAT!(:
my best form of escape thus far,
painless and useful.

BYE EARTHLINGS(:

A QUIZ I GOT FROM DODE'S BLOG(:
PUT WHATEVER YOU USE AS YOUR PLAYLIST NOW ON SHUFFLE,
FOR EACH QUESTION PRESS NEXT,
AND WRITE DOWN THE TITLE AS AN ANSWER NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT IS!
TAG 10 OR MOR PPL TO DO THIS(:
- MAG
- RAIN
- FBUD
- ERICA
- KYM
- FOONG
- GU NIANG
- YIREN
- YITIAN
- TIM; ANGEL
- IZACK
- THE TWINS
- &ANYONE ELSE WHO WANNA DO THIS(:

1) If someone says "Is this okay?" You say:
- middle of the night; sherwood (HAHA!sounds wrong la.imagine. A: is this okay? ME: yeah!but only in the middle of the night. wonder what we could've been doing.)
2) what do you like in a guy/girl:
- 秘密基地; lollipop 棒棒堂 (yeah(: i would like to have this secret platform that is shared by just the both of us.)
3) how do you feel today?
- i think i'm paranoid; garbage (HAHA!(: yeah, maybe i am.i tend to think too much)
4) what is your life's purpose:
- yellow submarine; the beatles (hmm...i've never thought of working in a submarine, but hey, its a pretty cool job(:)
5) what is your motto:
- 下雨天; Lara (what kinda motto is rainy day man.haha.)
6) what do your friends think of you:
- i'll wait for you; sherwood (so basically they think i'm slow la -.- true, right mag and rain and dode?)
7) what do you think of your parents:
- have you ever; s club 7 (hey!i'm not THAT ungrateful kay.haha.questioning them abt everythg)
8) what do you think about very often:
-the best in me; sherwood (I AM NOT THAT NARCISSISTIC!i hope.)
9) what is 2+2:
- i'm asking her to stay; sherwood (HAHA!no link!) but maybe my mind is so concentrated on keeping you by my side
10) what do you think of your best friend:
- misery business; paramore (haha, ya i think she is miserable among the girls of this yr's j1's level, BIMBOs EVERYWHERE!)
11) what do you think of the person you like:
- the middle; jimmy eats world (i think you're secure enough for the lyrics of this song to be unapplicable right? but if you're not, this song would be encouraging(: i think)
12) whats your life story:
- monsoon; tokio hotel (haha.quite true actually.it rains and it thunders but its only for a season no matter how long it is)
13) what do you want to be when you grow up:
- i'm too sexy; right said fred (HAHA!I WISH!(:but i doubt that'll ever happen)
14) what do you think of when you see the person you like?
- love will keep us alive; eagles (it will right?(: i think it will)
15) what do your parents think of you:
- too close for comfort; mcfly (haha.wow,never knew that.shld i scram from you mummy and daddy?)
16) what will you dance t in your wedding?
- obviously; mcfly (haha how reassuring(: means i married the right person right?)
17) what will they play at your funeral:
- i don't wanna miss a thing; aerosmith (wah thanks ah -.- i'm like some spectacle ppl dun wanna miss.but i hope when i die, i won't miss out a thing tt i wanna accomplish)
18) what is your hobby/interest:
- like a rose; A1 (haha.once again, no link)
19) what do you think of your friends:
- i still believe; hayden panettiere (yeah, i still believe in my friends(: )
20) whats the worst thing that could happen?
- all you need is love; beatles (hmm...is reliance on love that bad?)
21) how will you die:
- never ready to leave; sherwood (haha.i guess nobody wld really be ready to leave)
22) what is the one thing you regret:
- stuck on you; elvis (i'll never regret that(: no matter what happens)
23) what makes you laugh:
- 我們之間; lollipop 棒棒堂 (yeah(: i like tinking of our nice nice memories)
24) what makes you cry:
- she falls asleep; mcfly (hmm...a break up song?ya, i think it might make me cry)
25) will you ever get married?
- if you're not the one; daniel beddingfield (hey!this contadicts!so if i marry, i'll marry the right one, but if i dun means you're just not the one?)
26) what scares you the most?
- all that i need; boyzone (wah.double lehs.is reliance on our love that bad?)
27) does anyone like you?
- ruby; kaiser chiefs (HAHA!i doubt ruby reads my blog, but if you do, do you like me?(: )
28) if you could go back in time, what would you change?
- song in my head; sherwood (i doubt i'll ever wanna change this, though sometimes it hurts)
29) what hurts right now?
- crash and burn; savage garden (will you be the one who picks me up once again?)
30) what will you post this as?
- stay close don't go; second hand serenade (haha.seeing the quiz's evident interest in our love lives, quite relevant la(: )

today stayed at home 'cause of chest pains.
i conclude that SGH likes to anyhow eat money.
they wanted to ward me for goodness knows what reason -.-
but i said i was fine enough to leave(:
i feel darn bad la):
this week i missed 2 out of 3 trainings
but the one training i went for it rained
fun!(:
oh and sonia wanna try for goalie
if she's better den me den i guess GOD is answering my qns
should i quit hockey on health reasons?
or shld i stay on.
let time tell la(:

*disclaimer:
the following chunk is ranting.
if you wanna skip it,
please skip this chunk of text and move on to the next(:*
i believe i've never felt so strongly in a negative manner about anyone
you really suck balls you know that?
i don't care what you say about me or bitch about me,
i don't care if you think i'm pathetic and useless,
cause the feeling is mutual.
you try so hard to gain attention,
and get people to turn against me,
making them doubt me.
fine.if that's how you wanna play your game go ahead.
i can't be bothered anymore.
i'm staying on for cjc out of responsibility.
we are nothing like a team,
maybe that is why we can never win?
it's a team sport for goodness sake.
you think it feels good to be perpetually unwell?
not everyone is like you shitbag,
not everyone likes attention the way you do.
so take this and suck it all in.
screw you!

due to my chest pains,
i missed 2 tests!):
so next week instead of having 1 test, i'll have 3
oh well.price to pay for feeling unwell.
hope my body adjust back quickly,
i can't afford to miss sch and feel unwell like i did this week.

it is J1 orientation this week,
and very soon,
it'll be the end of this term.
OMG!):
4 more weeks to the C.T week.):
COMMON TEST for every subject.
we can do it guys(:
our last year before a long 3 month break
with just partying and part time jobs(:
i hope i do well for those 3 tests next week(:
den mummy will sponsor a little more for my itouch.
and i'll be able to get it sooner(:
$180 bucks saved + 2 twenty bucks notes which i bear not use
daddy sponsoring 25%(:
ITOUCH!!(:
eat less, save more(:

alright,
some self reminder,
history -- R.F + A-I conflict + I-P conflict
math -- BINOMIAL DIST.
econs -- INTERATIONAL TRADE

time to hit the books again!
BYE!<3>
[exuent]

IT'S BEEN QUITE AWHILE SINCE MY LAST POST
& i should honestly stop being mean to my blog.
neglegience is bad, no?
anyway,
CNY! (:

CNY EVE
had celebrations in school.
this year's concert was good,
but i thought last year's one was better(:
after that was potluck!
and MARIGOLD gave us each ten bucks ang bao!
stun siol!
decided to be nice to her(:
after that went to watch inkheart with mag and rain.
at first didn't want to,
but it was surprisingly great!
after that was not feeling too good,
hence didn't go for hockey and went home to rest before reunion dinner.
i know they wanna kill me le.
but health first ma.
but they called me and from their tone and the stuff they said..
pissed me off a little.
but let's not get into that. (:
(but that's why i had my new new yr resolution as:
go for every training no matter how sick i am.
can't stand it when they kp me)
ANYWAY...

REUNION DINNER!(:
with my first uncle(daddy's side) family
and now yan's our official photographer!(:
shall upload the pics another day.
ron's family had their reunion dinner there too(:
food wasn't tt great but so friggin' ex!!
not worth it sia that place.
after dinner went back for round 1 of black jack(:

DAY1
started the day by going to second grand aunty's house.
started our first round of annual family black jack(:
haha.
my family super standard sia.
every year same entertainment; CARDS!
saw ah huey's girlfriend.
from vietnam i think?
could speak chinese only.quite small size.
oh ya!and also saw ah zhen's boyfriend.
hope he's nice to her.
he better be else...he'll get it from me(:
ah zhen deserves a good boyfriend.
OH!AH HUEY WAS OUR CAI SHEN YE!(:
he took out a bundle of 100 pieces of 2bucks.
lost quite a few pieces to each of us(:

after that went to grandma's house for lunch
STEAMBOAT AS USUAL(:
kop-ed 2 pieces of abalone before mummy could scold(:
after lunch, it was back to hitting on the cards.
but this year dunno why,
black jack like no kick le.

after that, we headed back home
cousins were all over le(:
well, most la.
so we all spammed huitar heroes world tour!
OH YES!
HAVE I MENTIONED?
I BOUGHT GUITAR WORLD TOUR!!
LIKE FINALLY(:
okay back to the topic at hand.
after we're all ready to go,
headed over to grand uncles' house
had buffet dinner, small game of black jack
and watched the nyonya show thgy(:
after that headed home to rest up for DAY 2.

DAY2
first stop was grandma house
cause had to pick grandma and grandpa
after that went to small grand aunt's house
and black jack started(:
but i brought history since thurs had hist tut
so after a few rounds at our 4th stop of the day,
i started doing my history question analysis and intro
and after that i played tai di with ee liang(:
that game MUCH better den stupid black jack
poor him though,
lost alot of money to my sis and i.

nothing much for the rest of the week i guess.
NOW SAVING FOR MY ITOUCH!
was talking to jess online,
den relight my motivation to get it.
i'm at the hundred mark!(:

ALRIGHT!
THAT'S ALL FOLKS(:
PICS SOON!
SIGNING OFF, EARTHLINGS!

WOW! my blog is rather dead indeed(:
lets see,
what has happened?
oh yes,
MAG'S BIRTHDAY!
how does it feel like to be legal mag?(:
we had this really lovely cake thingy dode baked,
if confectionary could be likened to pleasure,
the cake would have been DA BOMB(: pure orgasmic man.
haha.

spent quite a few random hours with someone
on those random days(:
well, it may not have been much,
but those few moments made my day anyway(:
thanks!<3

today, i had my first training of the school year.
it feels good to be back on the pitch in a sense i guess,
i feel like i'm actually healthy (:
*disillusioned, but still(:*
but, time to hit the gym!
so unfit la.haha.

alright,
now its gonna be reflective ranting.
so if you don't wanna be bored to tears,
click the little red button up there.
if you are bored to tears yourself,
den dive right in(:
but feel free to leave this page at any point of time. (:

have you ever wondered,
what its like to sleep under the clear ngiht sky,
staring through the canopies of rustling leaves,
to see the twinkling stars smiling kindly down at us?


have you ever wondered,
what its like to have someone you love standing close,
so close that you can catch the scent of their hair,
every minute,every waking second of your life?


have you ever wondered,
what its like to live each dayto the fullest,
without worrying about the next or anything else,
and just do the things you'd do if you had time?

this could go on and on,
'cause life is full of possibilities.
but sometimes,
it just seem like life is being hindered by life itself,
doesn't it?
emails and talks and all say the same thing,
life is not a race and we shld not speed pass and miss the good stuff.
but are we given a chance?
nah.
it is one thing to have a purpose in life,
but another to make your purpose your life.

until now,
i'm still trying to figure out,
am i happy living a life that is lived to accomplish,
or would i rather kick back and cruise through life.
the answer is obvious,
but choosing the answer takes courage,
something surprisingly absent at this point of time,
in this whirlpool of events and commitments.
what is it called again?
oh ya, i've heard people calling it life.
is that it den? life?

alright,
i'm gonna be impulsive,
and self declare break.
off to bed!
BYE earthlings(:

TODAY IS DAY 2 OF THE SCHOOL YEAR!(:
lessons started proper today and GUESS WHAT?
I'M ACTUALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO STUDIES THIS YEAR.
yes i know i sound like a geek,
but i really actually do.
this year is THE year.
A LEVELS.
miss teo went through the schedule for this year,
time will pass real fast this year.

i'm seperated from mag for almost every lesson this yr!):
and with fbud not in my class anymore...
it kinda suck.
but i'm in the same class as iggy,
and i can get to know him more this year(:

STUDY DATES anyone?(:
just text me if you need a study buddy!

alright,
that's all for today i guess.
BYE EARTHLINGS!<3

HELLO WORLD(:
there's nothing much for me to blog since i've been stuck at home quite alot these days
no thanks to my stubborn ankle
which is deriving pleasure in my pain
and collaborating with mummy dearest to keep me home
i feel like i'm dying with boredom already):

BUT!
school starts soon and i can't wait.
surprisingly(:
although i don't wanna change class,
so as long as i'm with my lit homies i guess i'll survive.
but fbud not in my class anymore!!
*WAILS SO LOUD I WISH BRO PAUL AND HUMPTY DUMPTY'S
EAR DRUMS VIBRATE UNTIL BURST*
i miss my fbud):
STUPID LA!): hols so busy for what.rah.

ON AN ABSOLUTELY RANDOM NOTE,
MAG I LOVE YOU FOR INTRO-ING THIS SONG TO ME!
*through the monsoon,
just me and you*
LOVE LOVE LOVE THE SONG(:

ALRIGHT EARTHLINGS!
TATA!

I WISH UPON THAT FAINT GLOWING STAR,
that i can think properly and put forth my case,
and tell you to look around and see,
maybe you ought to give me abit more freedom,
for no other reason than the fact that i'm turning 18 soon.

YAY!
i kop-ed a blog quiz from mag to do(:
and i'm gonna be the indirect blog quiz bully tt i am
and tag the same few people (:
here goes!(:

1. What is more DIFFICULT for you, looking into someone's eyes when you are telling them how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
looking into someone's eyes when i'm telling them how i feel.
i shall be honest, i fear rejection.
what if i see it in their eyes?

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry?
the times that i get really angry, it is usually because of one thing.
sorry, the past is hard to let go.

3. You are on a flight from honolulu to chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call?
assuming that i'm with my family,
i'll call YOU(: yes baby, i'll call you to tell you how much i love you and let your last memory of me be a nice one(:

4. You are at the doctor's office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?
yes i agree with mag, this is a terribly morbid question.haha.
but no i won't tell anyone. yes baby, not even you
i'll spend my last days patching up with friends that i've fallen out with, let the people i love know that i love them, spend as much time as i can with my family and friends and fulfill every promise after writing my will (: baby, i hope you will never turn me down when i ask you out(:
nope i will not be too afraid cause i know GOD has saved me a place in heaven and i'm sure of my salvation(: but i'll worry about you baby.must learn how to take care of yourself kay?

5. You can have one of the following two things- Love or Trust. Which do you choose? Why?LOVE(:
'cause, just as mag has said,
how can love exist without trust?(:

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not?
i would definitely be driving to work(: but yes i would.a dog's life is still a life.besides, i can speed to work(: at most a speeding ticket(: i'm a good law abiding citizen so that would be my one and only ticket.

7. You are unfaithful to your spouse/significant other. Do you tell him/her? Why or Why not?
you must be cheating on yours to have such a question in a quiz.haha.but anyway,
i would never be unfaithful. baby, i'll love you even till the day you don't.
BUT if i was, i would tell.
if there is no love, what's the point of keeping it going right?

8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more then just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you do/say?
"yes fbud, i know i'm as awesome as you but no need to rush into this just cause guys are arshlocks(:" but that would never happen so no worries!(:

9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or why not?
YES! i wanna use that one hour to make sure she is saved before she died. 1year is a worthwhile price to pay for someone's soul, no?(:

10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
haha!i think not(: i get annoyed by myself alot.

11. Does love = sex?
NOPE!(: unless you are an unfeeling jerk filled with male hormones and think with your d**k

12. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say?
i think it was less den a month ago.(:

13. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a friend, you love them or that you do not love them back?
hmmm...neither, cause i won't have a friend i don't love and i always tell people i love them when i mean it(:

14. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?
i don't know(: actually, i do kow.i can never bear to give you up, unless that's what wld make you happy, 'cause i love you<3

15. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them? Who were they to you?
i just told mag!she's coming over tml(:

16. Imagine- it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?
YOU(: i wish you could be the one who spends every moment with me.i really do

17. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or why not?
yup(: same as mag.i'll call an ambulance and if my bro was with me i'll ask him to administer the CPR!if not join st.johns for what right?(:

18. You are holding onto your grandmother's hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your reason for making the decision?
of course i'll save my grandma -.- stupid question.the newborn might go to heaven but i've yet to share the good news with my maternal grandma yet!):

19. Are you old fashioned?
YES!very extremely!ya right.

20. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?
how can anyone be nice expecting others to be nice back?

21. Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?
true love with a guaranteed broken heart. quoting leap years, "it's better to have loved and lost den never to have loved at all" baby, loving you is proof enough.i think loving you is the most painful yet the most right thg

22. If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?
SECRET!(: for you to love me like you used to and spend every moment together(:

and now, i tag...
-erica
-kym
-rain
-fbud
-dode
-tim
-yiren/stephanie
-AND WHOEVER WANNA DO IT(:

ITS TIME TO CHIONG SATS!
scary):
another 19 more days.
hope i do well,
'cause from what i scored for the diagnostic i tried,
i ain't gonna make it.


okay let's see what has happened so far(:
31st dec had watchnight service
and after that was SLEEPOVER!
due to technical moodswings of my beloved lappy,
for photos go kym's or erica's blog(:
on the 1st of jan,
it was the NEW YEAR PARTY(:
okay, it wasn't much of a party
'cause most of us were half-dead
haha(:
sharilyn, foong, kym,erica and i all slept really early(:
6am in the morning.
but it was fun!
ate cup noodles at 4.30am (:


on the 2nd, thank you so much for spending that day with me
i was a happy kid(: though you were so tired yourself
for reasons unknown to everyone but me. you made my day with that kiss(: and every sweet touch(:


3rd was a good good day!
started the day off with a hockey match.
WELL DONE HOCKERS! (:
our first match of the year drawn with tp!
we'll be owning the next few matches!
letting keep our flame burning ya?(:
after that, rushed down to band prac,
in time only for the LAST SONG -.-
so in the end,
i back up instead of co-leading(:
den after that hang out with
MARIE,MICHELLE,SHONA,IZACK,ERICA,DARREN
HANNAH,BEN KEE,SHAUN (this 3 only for lunch): )
all i can say is: FUN!!(:
let's do this again soon(:
after talking,walking and arcading
we went home.

on the 4th,
CHURCH(:
got to know our new dg
and jessica came!(:
anyway, guess what!!
marie is in my dg!(:
whhheeeeeee....
this year should be fun.
den after that took uncle jack and candice's dg for lunch
stupid tim leong keep suaning me!
and jessica bully me!
but i love love love such sunday outings(:

now time to do the quiz tagged by kym(:
1) list out 3 friends you can think of now.
-erica -kym -tim

2) why are you thinking of them now?
-i'm talking to them online!(:

3) are they your best friends?
haha, best means only have one what.how can it be plural?
YATI is my best friend but i love erica,kym and tim LOADS too(:

4) what do you like about them?
-erica: for being nice despite being mean and for being there for me
-kym: for being a retardedly great friend
-tim: for being the best angel anyone can ask for

5) have they been a great friend to you?
YUP! definitely(:

6) now let's stop talking about them and tell me whats on your mind right now
my ankle hurts like crap, i'm happy my aunty gave birth to ethel today and i'm missing someone (: when will i stop missing you?it hurts you know):

7) are you happy/sad/annoyed/uncomfortable/excited about whats on your mind right now
annoyed about the pain in my ankle, excited about my newborn cousin (:

8) what do you wish for to happen now?
i wanna have the sleepover again with kym,foong,erica and shar and to spend every minute i have with you

9) who did you just talk to on the phone and when was it?
mummy!(: awhile ago only.

10) who was the last to text you a message?
erica!(:

11) do you feel stuck up at home now?
YES! it sucks to sprain your ankle):

12) do you like to do quizzes?
depends i guess. at times like this, YES! (:

13) why do you like to do them?
'cause they give me smthg to blog when i have none

14) when do you want to have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
SECRET(: i never want you to leave me

15) when do you want to get married?
ask me that when i'm attached (:

16) how many kids do you want to have?
ideally 2! one girl and one boy(:

17) would you like to live in a house of your own with your husband and children?
i guess. but i KNOW i want OUR house in 5yrs time(:

18) do you think this quiz is asking about your future?
partially ba.

19) are all what you said earlier true?
this question is awkwardly phrased somehow. but ya(: if you lie in a quiz whats the point of doing it right?(:

20) what song can you think of now?
love song(: i wanna write you a love song(:

21) do you listen to the radio?
hardly by myself but on the car every morning when daddy fetch me to school during school term

22) what do you hate most in this world?
now now, hate is too strong a word to use, no?(:

23) list out 7 names.
yati.mag.kym.shar.foong.erica.tim

24) randomly pick a number from 1 - 7 without looking at the screen
6

25) what is his/her name?
erica leong EN RUI (:

26) do you like him/her as a friend?
YUP (:

27) why? she's my
wifey (:

28) pass this quiz to 8 friends
-fbud
-mag
-rain
-dode
-tim
-daryl CHEE
-marie
-izack

alright!
that's all for now folks(:
TATA!(:

HELLO WORLD!(:
today is the 2nd day of the year,
and i'm a happy kid!(: thank you baby for today!
reason: SECRET(: i finally feel your hugs and kisses again(: really missed it

anyway, tagged by erica to do this quiz,
so here goes!

1.Are you one of the most popular students in school?
- NOPE(: can't stand people who seek to be high profile -.-

2.Do you think you got the looks?
- haha! YUP(: the really BAD looks(: but thank you for loving me despite it

3.When was the last time you went out with your buddies?
- just had a new year party with my church buds!(:
but i miss my t05 homies):

4.How many times in a week do you go out?
- it depends, i guess(: but this year is A LEVELS YEAR!): we'll have our study dates kay?(:you're my motivation(:

5.Do you like to be alone?
- when i'm down, yah. usually, NO(: i hope i'll never be alone,you'll never be cause in my heart you're always with me(:

6.Do you intend to be famous in the future?
- nah(: being the only goalie of the team already too heavy a role, imagine if i was famous.CRAZY(: and don't worry baby, i won't over exert myself during hockey cause i wanna be well enough to look after you(:

7.Do you have the courage to stand infront of an audienceand show them your talent?
- haha, ask me again when i've found my talent!

8.Would you rather go to a midnight party with your friendsor go to a dinner with your bestfriends?
- hmm..right now, what i would love to do is go for a MIDNIGHT PARTY with my BESTFRIEND!(: and i hope one day i can have a nice night time picnic at the beach

9.What's your most embarrassing moment?
- so many!i think it was when we had to perform without a mic a perf on bloody sunday.den i was super unprepared and all, den when i performed, i shouted an extra word.whole school laugh la! so paiseh.haha.

10.What's the best moment of your life?
- every happy moment(: especially with you, my darling<3

11. Tag 5 people to do this quiz.
- MAG!
- DODE!
- RAIN!
- FBUD!
- TIM!